Thought of sharing my experience during my hospitalization for 88 days.
On 2016 Oct 5th I had traveled to Dubai, exactly after 10 days i noticed purpura on my legs. I’m an ITP patient – I was very cool thinking it can be an ITP attack – went to the nearby laboratory and we figured out my platelets was 6k where the minimum needed should be 150000. I was pretty normal, my gums started bleeding, next day there was further drop in my platelets and I decided to travel back – as my gut feeling asked me to do so, I travelled back on 15th night- by the time i was about to board the flight I started bleeding from my mouth and was gluping all blood – reached pune airport early in the morning – i was still ok apart from bleeding from mouth – it was a Sunday – I went home – took rest – by 10am I reached the hospital. As I had informed earlier – hospital people were waiting for me, and I thought they will induce platelets and within a day or two I will be discharged. Treatment started as usual and I felt my purpuras were disappearing and I was getting fine. Suddenly that night I started coughing and doctors gave me nebulizer and I went to sleep, next day morning I started coughing bad and while breathing I could hear some sound from my chest and my urine had blood. I started throwing out blood and started getting breathless, soon I was shifted to ICU and put on Bipap by evening they decided to put me on ventilator as they said I was sinking and for further treatment they have to put me on ventilator.
I was like am I going to Die? My lungs had bleeded and my body couldn’t exchange oxygen – I was affected with “Dengue” – I had almost one hour argument with the doctors and at last I asked: “will I get to know anything or have any pain”; they said “no we will sedate you”, I said “sounds good – go ahead” – I signed the document to put me on ventilator I called my brother and said that they are putting me on a ventilator, meanwhile my cousin walked in; I told her you don’t go away from here till I am back to conscious, I didn’t know I will not come back to conscious for 3months.
I opened my eyes almost after 77 days if I remember right.
Meanwhile I was in a different world which I didn’t know what was it, I was with my Dad – who had already left for his heavenly abode in 2013. I could see myself with him – going around all places, happy go lucky kind , I could recognise the place as Bangalore. There was no present, no future, no time, no day and night. I was not worried about anything I can say I was in peace, happiness which I was experiencing I cannot explain. I have also seen some disturbing scences as well where youths are getting into drugs, prostitution and I cannot do anything.
And I also heard a voice saying to me – “you have to live for Me”.
When I came back to conscious I was throughly confused is this the reality or the other one, I didn’t know what was happening. Soon I realised I cannot talk, as i was having a trechostomy on me. I couldnt walk as my muscles turned weak as I was bed ridden for almost 3months and I was full of tubes around.
The day I saw my photo (as below)
and I was… Thissss is not me, it was shock of my life, soon I accepted yes this is what it is. During my treatment I under went the most painful procedures, however I didn’t experience any as I was sedated. I was also put on ECMO machine – people rarely survive through ECMO. After that I even got a cardiac arrest – while reviving me back thru CPR my ribs broke aswell, which was the only pain I had when I came back to CONSCIOUSNESS.
I realised the importance of water as I used to crave for water when I saw any one drinking water as I was not allowed to drink water as I was on trechostomy. I was on oxygen support – I realised the worth of oxygen which was freely available all this while. I had to learn everything from the beginning to Talk, to Walk, to Write, to Eat, to Breathe, in fact everything thing as my muscles were very weak.
I was discharged on 11th Jan 2017 with a oxygen machine, slowly with the help of physio I started moving, my hair started growing back, skin colour started coming back. I was been told I might not be able to live a normal life and I might have to carry oxygen rest of my life. However with in 3months I took my first session at Army Public School dehu road. And today I am back with a Bang, it was possible only with the Grace of God and lot of support from family especially my mom’s consistent prayer and the faith i will come back and my husband’s Anish Varghese total surrenderance – he stood strong in his prayers calmly and peacefully and ofcourse my friends and realtives and all whom I know genuinely prayed for me. Varghese Mattamana achan who stood with my family. Fr. Joseph Venmanath who prayed all the time without ceasing.My doctor Prachee Sathe and team through whom God worked.
I am convinced God loves me and I don’t need any one elses love.
One need to find completeness in His love rather than any worldly love and things.
“Hold on to him rest will be given to you”.
“IF GOD is with you who can stand against You”
“Happy Women’s Day”